it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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