his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
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