and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
