Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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