I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
