it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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