dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
