we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
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