I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
