Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
MIDGETS
????
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Randomize
