guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
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she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
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Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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