No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
