you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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