his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
