How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
