Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
