You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
