i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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