omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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