I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
