Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
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