OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
