my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize