Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
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