too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Randomize
