did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
