You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
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just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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