I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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