Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
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You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
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I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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