I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
