Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
