apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
