she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
