TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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