Rock
Scissors
Fuck
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
