Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
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You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
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I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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