fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
