Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
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I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
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We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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