I'm jealous of your bromance
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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