I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Randomize
