My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
