We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
So gin and wine won't be happening again
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
