Pants 0. Shit 1.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
