my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
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Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
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Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
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