He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
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