What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
