It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
