Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
