Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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