the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
