I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
