so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
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Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
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He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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