Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Randomize
