the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
