I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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