theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
