Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
