tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Randomize
