ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
