I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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