...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
