She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
