You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.