I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
21 Ladies Reveal The Sexiest Thing A Man Can Do In A Public Setting
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.