this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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