I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?