i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Randomize
