Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
i came on her dog
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.