You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs