i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
