so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
