I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
