Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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