I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
