Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
