but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Randomize
