I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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