Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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