sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize