I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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